When I was little I made a commitment to save myself. I wanted to be disciplined and keep myself pure for my future husband. I wanted to honor God with my body. I felt called to only be with one man, and I really wanted to only kiss one guy. I would say over and over again that I would not settle, that I would be patient and wait. It was so hard, but I always reminded myself of the blessings that God has in store for those who wait. So I waited, and waited, and waited. I said no to temptation over and over again as I made a commitment to myself and to God that I would be patient.
Many people talk about a list. A list that someone has that contains everything that they want in a man. But my list was always very simple, all I wanted was a man who loved God with all his heart. I have always deeply felt that if a man truly loves God, then he will take good care of me. I want my husband to put God first in all things. Some said, actually most people said, that my standards were too high. But I knew deep down in my heart that God was preparing someone very special for me. I promised myself that I would not settle for anything less than the blessing that God had in store. But the reality is that I did settle. I settled for an amazing man who knew God, but did not put God first. He knew God, but he was not in love with God. Everyone around me was saying how perfect he was and I had all these voices in my ear saying I would never find my man after God's own heart. So I settled and did some things that I wish I never did.
But the amazing thing about God is that although I came up short, He still loved me unconditionally. I didn’t need to feel dirty, I didn’t need to feel like I messed up or ruined God's plan for me. I may have felt that at first but God's warm embrace reminded me of His great love and compassion for me.
I felt like I failed God, myself, and my future husband. But I realized that although I had fallen, He was right above me with His hands out reaching to help me up. I didn’t need to let my mistake define me or make me into something. I just needed to ask for forgiveness, get back up, and keep following God. Re-dedicating myself to a life of purity because that is what He has called me to.
We are human and we will never be perfect. But here is the awesome thing, we have a God that loves us so much that even when we mess up His love for us doesn’t change. He doesn’t look down at us in disappointment or anger, He doesn’t send fire from heaven to punish us, but He patiently stands by us, hands wide open, calling us back home. It can be so easy to fall into the pit of self-pity, or to let our past mistakes define us, but we need to let go of the past in order to grab ahold of Jesus’s hands. In order to reach forward and let God guide us, we can’t be staring back. My prayer for you is that you will not give up on yourself. My prayer is that you would look on ahead and stop thinking about all the times that you have messed up. Let go of your mistakes and shortcomings and instead hold tight to THE ONE that can lead you to the promise land. As I always say: let go, let God.